Lost and Found
by iprocrastinateterribly
Summary: Sam and Jess were happy, they were in love. They were. That was until Sam burnt up on the ceiling of their apartment and all hell broke loose. Jess finds out that every monster story isn't a story. She convinces Dean to let her help find and kill the whatever killed Sam, but she didn't expect the feelings that would start to arise for her dead boyfriend's brother...
1. Halloween

"Jess?" Sam asked as she pulled him down the busy street, which quite a feat was considering how high her red high heels were. It was almost midnight and the streets were still packed with ghosts, vampires and every other shitty Halloween monster you could think of. "Jess where are we going? Well, where are you taking me?" She turned around and pulled him in for a kiss so he'd shut up. She moved away, smiling. "Don't you trust me?" Her blue eye's glinted mischievously and she swayed a little under the weight of a few shooters. "Not when you're drunk, no." Sammy said matter of factly, but he didn't protest when she turned around and continued pulling him along, shouting behind herself "I'm only tipsy!" She slowed down, looked around, and then practically ran forwards. "Jesus Jess!" Sam shouted, tripping over his feet. She barrelled into the door of the 24 hour diner, smiling at a zombie and buffy the vampire slayer sitting in the nearest booth. She dragged Sam into the booth at the far end at sat down, smiling placidly at him. "Great idea, amirite?"

"You dragged me to a friggen greasy diner?" Jess had already picked up a menu that had been lying on the table and was squinting at it, her nosed scrunched up, making Sam smile. "Um, excuse me babe-" Jess flourished her hand with the menu still in it; indicating to the diner in all its retro American themed, slightly grimy glory, and also almost sending the salt and pepper shakers flying "-this is the best diner in this damn town!"

At the moment a waitress, with two devil horns poking out of her curled blue black hair and too much eyeliner around her dull eyes, sauntered over, eyeing Sam all over. "And what can I get you two… Love birds" she asked in a sickly sweet voice, a Texan accent snaking through her words. "I'll have a stack of your best blueberry pancakes and double espresso, sweetheart." Jess winked, savouring the look of distaste on the waitress's face. Sam tried to hide his grin with the menu as the waitress turned on him. "And you, sugar?" her voice was flirty, which almost sent Jess into a fit of giggles, but she the look she got from the waitress's steel grey eyes could've melted iron into bullets. "I, uh, I think I'll have just a coffee. Thanks." He smiled as he gave her the menu, she took it and left, swaying her hips haughtily.

As soon as she was out of earshot Jess burst into laughter, and Sam was chuckling. Well, he was, until Jess snorted. Then Sam just lost it, laughing so loudly he almost scared a mummy out of its wrappings. They sat at the back of this old, red, white and blue diner at (most likely) one in the morning crying with laughter, getting looks from every person in there. Every time they thought they were recovering, Jess accidentally let out another snort and they were gone again. Sam was leaning back in his seat, head thrown back in laughter, and Jess's head was on the table atop one of her forearms while her other hand was on her aching belly. "W-what would I do with-without you?" panted Sam, wiping tears from his eyes, Jess looked up, still giggling "Burn and crash, I mean crash and burn." Sam chuckled, but he leaned across the table and planted a soft kiss on her lips, and she smiled as she kissed him back.

A loud cough broke them apart, followed by the waitress forcefully placing Jess's waffles in front of her along with her espresso and Sam's coffee, giving him a wink as she walked off again. "Do you think that she has trouble keeping her eyes open with that much mascara on?" asked Jess just before taking a bite of her food. Sam smirked, sipping on his coffee (successfully burning his tongue). "I wouldn't know, to be honest I've never put on mascara." Jess swallowed and then gasped loudly, her eye's wide. "_Never_? I always pictured you as a cross dresser in your youth."

"Jess!"

"Just kidding babe!" Jess laughed, looking at him from underneath her lashes. He sighed jokingly and she just giggled as she ate, savouring the delish taste of blueberries and making sure that she remembered this moment (which needed extra effort considering how much she drank). She didn't know that it would be a long time till she was happy like this again.

Sam drank his coffee, looking at Jess, and all he could think about was how lucky he was. How lucky he was to get away from his old life and how lucky he was to have found Jess. Beautiful Jessica, his saviour from the damnation of the real world, the monster infested hunter's world. Jess looked up and caught him staring. "What? Is there something on my face?" Her hand went up to the side of her mouth, but Sam quickly said "No, no! There's nothing there, it's just…" Jess raised her eyebrows and put down her fork. "What?"

"You're just so beautiful." Jess gave him a crooked smile. "I thought I was drunk-"

"I'm being serious Jess."

"I know." Jess looked at him, sincerity in her eyes. "I love you Sam." Sammy leaned across the table and brushed his lips against hers, the slightest touch that was full of compassion and adoration. "I love you too, Jess." He said softly against her lips, a hand running lightly over her golden hair. "Can I get you two anything else?" a tight voice broke through their little haven. "I, um, No. No thanks." Sam stuttered, looking away from the waitress's dagger eyes. "Just the check, sweetie." Jess smiled. "Name's not 'sweetie'" said the waitress icily "It's Beth."

"Well, Beth" Jess looked her straight in the eyes. "We'll have the check, and then me and my boyfriend are gonna go home and have sex." The Beth's eyes widened so much Sam feared they were going to fall out. "Close your mouth, **Sweetie**, it's not attractive." Beth's mouth snapped shut. She glared at both of them, spun on her heel and walked away, the sound of her heels hitting the floor echoed across the diner.

Jess looked at Sam, who was looking at her with red cheeks and a stern expression. "What? She was hittin on my man, and did you see the look on her face? Fucking priceless!" Sam was still embarrassed, not to mention the teenage couple two tables down had heard the whole conversation and were giggling loudly and looking at Sam's ruby face. Beth walked quickly back and slammed the check on the table and abruptly turned around and marched away. "I wonder if she spat in my food." Jess mused aloud as Sam fished money out of his wallet. She started looking too, but Sam stopped her immediately. She always tried to help pay, but he would never let her. "Jess, are we-um-are we really gonna-"

"Oh yes, we are." She responded, standing up and walking down the diner, grinning like she'd just stolen the crown jewels. Sam scrambled after her, catching up and wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her in for a kiss, his hand running through her hair, his other tightly on her ass. Jess pulled away and grabbed his hand, pulling him out the diner and into the noisy stinky city air.


	2. I love the Smurfs

**(A/N this is basically a recap of episode one, when Dean breaks in, but with added bits and more insight from Jess, obviously)**

Jess woke up. Firstly she was aware of strange crashes emanating from downstairs, and secondly that she was alone in bed. She pulled on a pair of pajama pants and tip-toed out of the room and down the hall. Her heart was beating in her throat and her breath was so loud she thought the next door neighbors could hear her. As she came closer to the TV room, she heard voices. Both male, one Sam's and one not. "If I'd had called would you have picked up?" "Sam?" she asked, turning on the lights and staring at the intruder. "Jess, hey." Sam said, turning to look at Dean, who was gazing bemusedly at Jess. "Dean, this is my girlfriend Jessica." Sam said with a sigh, shifting uneasily. "Wait." Jess said, taking a few steps forwards and pointing to the tall (but shorter than Sam), built, rugged looking man. "Your brother Dean?" Sam gave her an almost apologetic look.

Dean pointed to her low cut pajama top (it was her favourite t-shirt, so when she got too big for it she altered it a bit to fit. Plus, Sam thought it was hot). "I love the smurfs." He stated, smirking. He walked forwards, drinking her in. "You know, I gotta tell you, you are completely out of my brother's league." She had to admit, Dean was hot. He was the kind of hot that would give you the best night of your life, leave before you've woken up and the cellphone number he gave you was fake. "Just, let me put something on" she looked over at Sam, who was giving Dean the worst look she had ever seen him give anyone. "No, no, no!" Dead said, surprisingly looking into her eyes and not lower. "I wouldn't dream of it." He took a breath and nodded. "Seriously" he added. She gave him a look and raised her eyebrows. He backed off and said "Anyway I've got to borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business." He eyed her again, and she could swear he almost liked his lips. "But, uh, nice meeting you." His grin was cheeky, but Sam's face was not having any of it. Jess smiled back politely, not knowing really what to make of the other Winchester brother.

"No." Sam said, surprising her. "No." he repeated and he walked over to Jess, wrapping his hand around her waist. "Whatever you want to say you can say in front of her." Jess looked at him, worried about how he was handling seeing his brother. She knew they were really close when they were little, but he couldn't take the pressure of his dad trying to force him into the family business. It was mechanics or something, she thought.

"Okay." Dean said, turning to face the pair. He stood there for a bit, clearly thinking about what he was going to say. "Dad hasn't been home in a few days." He finally said. Sam took a deep breath, obviously not shaken by the statement, but Jess was. She could feel that Dean wasn't saying something, specifically because she was there. "So he's working overtime on a miller time shift, he'll tumble back in sooner or later."

Jess looked from Sam to dean. Dean hung his head, but snapped it back up. His eye's seemed darker and infinitely more serious. He spoke slowly and evenly. "Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days." She looked back to Sam and she could feel something was wrong. She wanted to talk, but the tension in the room was stiffer than stainless steel. Sam was looking at Dean, sarcasm and wittiness gone. "Jess excuse us." He said, looking down. "We have to go outside." She watched Sam walk towards Dean but she grabbed his wrist. "Sam-" but he cut her off. "Don't worry, Jess, It's not that serious." Jess gave him a doubtful look. "Everything's fine Jess, I just need to talk to Dean." She let go and he kissed her on the forehead. He turned towards Dean with a look that said if he opened his mouth he would tackle him to the ground, again. They walked out, already arguing quietly. Jess stood in the archway, her bare feet sold on the floor. She was bone tired and she could feel a hangover coming in. She went to the kitchen and took a long drink of water before heading back to the bedroom, but she was too fidgety to sleep. Instead she went to go shower, which she always did to relieve stress. When she came out, Sam was packing. "Wait, you're taking off?" Sam looked up from his bag, looking his face expertly blank. "Is this about your dad? Is he alright?"

"Yeah." Sam said, shoving clothes in the bag. "You know, just a little family drama." He walked to get more clothes from their drawer, turning on the lamp as he did. Jess walked towards the bed saying "Your brother said he was on some kind of hunting trip." Sam slammed a drawer shut. "Oh yeah, he's just deer hunting up at the cabin. He's probably got Jim, Jack and Jose up with him." He stuffed more clothes in, looking preoccupied. "I'm just gonna go get him."

"What about the interview?" Jess asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. "I'll make the interview." He answered quickly, closing the bag. "It's only for a couple days." He walked past the bed. Jess didn't like the suddenness of this all. It made her head spin. She jumped off the bed "Sam, please, just… stop for a second." Sam turned to look at her, half his face lit from their little bedroom lamp. He looked a bit off to her, she could see something was going on. "You sure you okay?" she asked. Sam grinned and laughed a little. "I'm fine." He reassured her. "It's just…" Jess looked away, thinking about what to say. "You won't even talk about your family. And now you're taking off in the middle of the night to spend a weekend with them?" She looked at him, hoping for the truth. "And, with Monday coming up, which is kind of a huge deal-"

"Hey." Sam interrupt. "Everything's gonna be okay." He looked at her reassuring her with his dark brown eyes. "I will be back in time I promise." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Jess made a bit of a disbelieving sound, but she knew she couldn't stop Sam once his mind was made up. "At least tell me where you're going!" She shouted hopefully at his retreating back, but either he didn't hear or he didn't want to answer. Jess stood for a while, listening to Dean's car turn on and drive off. Everything's gonna be okay, she told herself as she locked up again, turning off the lights. Everything's gonna be okay, she repeated as she drifted off into a dreamless sleep. But she was wrong.


	3. If I Die Young

Jessica woke up at mid-morning that day, with barely a hangover but an empty heart. She was used to waking up snuggled against Sam, who was a natural heat generator. She'd move a little and he'd immediately wake up, look around with a stunned look on his face, until his eyes settled on her. He'd grin, whisper 'Good morning' in his ragged, just-woken-up voice and kiss her on the forehead. That's when he would try to get up, but Jess would pull him down, making him stay in for just a little longer... But that was not the case this morning. She pulled the blanket around her, stretching under the warmth. Her hand fumbled for her cellphone. Jess let out a little squeak. It's 12 already?! Groaning loudly, she rolled out of bed. Jess staggered to the bathroom yawning. The bedroom was littered with Sam and her clothes, with a random water bottle, loads of books and pictures of Jess's family. After using the bathroom Jess scratched through the clothes until she found one of Sam's huge hoodies and pulled it around herself and stumbled into the kitchen. She had the whole day to herself, she suddenly thought. The possibilities were endless.

She smiled, and then ran to their stereo, grabbing her favourite albums that she knew Sam hated. Soon she was running about the kitchen, waving her hips and banging her head as she fried eggs and bacon. Her fork clattered against her plate as she ate, holding the plate with one hand and leaning against one of the counters. She grabbed her phone, while sipping her coffee, and texted Sam.

_Hey babe, hows the trip? Just wanted 2 make sure evrythings ok. Love you and miss you 3_

She cleaned her plate and cooking utensils while making a mental list of all the things she needed to buy at the grocery store, since Sam had a terrible habit of raiding the kitchen at mid-night or during a particularly shitty essay he needs to write. He always eats all the pop tarts. When she finished she got dressed in jeans and one of her woolly sweaters and rushed around the house, throwing stray clothes into the wash basket in the bathroom and generally straightening up the apartment. She walked out into the chilly autumn air, locking up behind herself.

Luckily, the store is only two blocks away. She browsed through the aisle, looking for anything she might need. Her hands were holding a box of tampons when someone grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. "Jess!"

"Brady?" Jess gasped as he crushed her in a bear hug. "Hey kid! How are you?" Brady was dressed in a dishevelled button up shirt and crumpled slacks, with dark red lipstick marks on the collar. His blond hair was a mess and his ice blue eyes shone mischievously. "Hey, I'm only 2 months younger than you!"

"And your point is?" Brady laughed, flashing perfect white teeth. "I'm fine, and you?"

"So formal, but I'm great. I'm better than great, I'm amazing! How's Sam?"

"He's out of town at the moment, some trip with his brother." Jess smiled, but she felt wary of Brady. Recently he'd dropped out of school, and started partying with hookers and doing drugs. Sam had tried to help him, but he didn't see anything wrong with what he was doing. "He left you all alone? What a _terrible_ boyfriend!" Brady said, looking all over her body. Jess crosses her arms. "I can take care of myself." He laughed again and fixed Jess with eyes full of mirth "I'm sure you can, sweetie."

Jess felt her body go on high alert and she suddenly got the irrational feeling that she was in danger. "I need to go, I promised Amy I'd go see her today and-" Brady stopped her by holding up his hand with a wide smile. "There's no reason to explain yourself, Jessica sweet. I'll leave you to your boyfriend free day." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, making Jess want to simultaneously claw her skin off and his eyes out. "Ciao!" Brady winked and sauntered off, grabbing a bottle of Smirnoff vodka from the shelf on his way down the aisle. Jessica shivered, feeling completely off put by Brady's visit. You're just being silly, she chided herself, and you've known Brady since forever! She walked quickly to the next aisle. You knew the old Brady, a voice whispered a voice in the back of her head.

Jessica walked through the shop quickly, just wanting to get home and snuggle in one of Sam's big shirts. She almost walked by the packet, but it caught her eye. It was small and yellow with big blue letters splashed across the front reading 'Chocolate_ Chip Cookie Mix_'. Jess smiled to herself as she pushed the pack in.

Only when she had locked the door behind herself in their apartment did she feel safe, but she still checked around the house. She didn't know what she was looking for, but she was just making sure it wasn't here. After a thorough check of the house, Jessica was positive there were no lurking axe murders or psycho killers. She sat down on the couch and set to texting all her friends to find something to do tonight. She opened her phone to find a text from Sam:

_Evrythings fine! 2morrow we're gonna go nd get dad nd be back late at nite. Love you._ 3

Jess smiled and tried to call him, but it went to voice mail. She left him a message and went back to finding something to do this afternoon. After Alexa saying that they should get lunch and then get piss drunk and watch British TV, which sounded pretty good to her, she went to get ready. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked washed out and tired. Sam's back tomorrow. She slapped on a smile, grabbed a bottle of wine and headed to a Doctor Who and Sherlock BBC marathon, most likely.

**(A/N I know, I know! This chapter's soooo short! But don't worry lovelies, action and drama is JUST around the corner! The reason it took so long to get this one out was because my MS Word freaked out, but I finally got it working! I'll try to update asap! Please comment, all constructive criticism wanted and needed :))**


	4. Please God, not again

Jessica had her hair tied in a messy bun and her apron covering her tracksuit pants and Beatles shirt was stained with flower, as she finally took the chocolate chip cookies out the oven. She put her hands on her hips and smiled. None of them even messed up! She might not be a domestic goddess, but hey, look! She's not a complete fuck up! She delicately slid the warm biscuits onto a plate and left a note saying- 'Missed you! Love you!' She was still grinning as she took off her 'kiss the cook' apron and walked to her room, trying to untangle her hair from her elastic band. It was late, probably eleven o'clock, but Jess wasn't tired. She wanted to give Sam a surprise welcome home. A special one. She was about to take her shirt off when she heard a knock at the door.

Sam? No, he's got keys. Who knocks at your door in the middle of the freaking night? Jess walked slowly to the front door, listening for anything suspicious. She placed her hands lightly against the white painted door and looked through the peep hole. Brady? What the hell? She was about to unlock it and let him in, but her hand froze. She didn't want to let him in. This didn't feel right, not at all. She could pretend she wasn't awake, or not home. She pulled her hand away, listening to her instincts. He might have once been her old best friend, but he's nowhere near her friend anymore. She stepped back, but a spine chilling voice seeped from the crack under the door. "Come on Jessy, it's me." Her breathing became shallow and she took another step back, almost stumbling. "I know you're there. Let me in, Jessica." He wasn't joking around anymore. Brady's voice was flat and sharper than a guillotine's blade.

Jess turned around to reach for Sam's baseball bat, which he'd left leaning against the wall next to the living room just in case Jess might need it (like maybe for when your crazy ex-best friend tried to break in), when a ground shaking blow hit the door. It groaned in protest as was hit again, and again. Jessica screamed and ran to her room for her phone. She heard manic laughter follow her heels. "Run little Jessy, your boyfriend's not here to save you." Her breathing was ragged as she grabbed her phone, typing in '911' frantically with the baseball bat being pressed into her ribcage by her elbow. She heard the door give way, shrapnel skidding down the hallway. She ran behind her door and waited for Brady to scream in triumph, or perhaps insanity, but the apartment was deathly quiet. She could hear herself breathing, the clock in the hallway and her frantic heart trying to escape out her mouth. "Fee Fie Fo Fum, I smell and English woman." The voice was so close Jess almost whimpered, but she was still trying to call the police. "Hello 911 how may we-"

"Please help someone's broken int-" She screamed as Brady swung the door open and grabbed her shoulders. "Gotcha." He beamed insanely. Jess brought up her knee and crushed it into Brady's groin. He leaned forwards, cursing, and she brought her elbow down, whacking it against his skull. He let go and fell onto his knees. She jumped over him and brought her bat up. Brady chuckled. "You've got spunky, I'll give you that." He stood up quickly and stepped forwards, but Jessica held her ground. Her grip on the bat was making her knuckles go white. "Give up now and I'll make your death as painless as possible."

"Amazingly, that offer doesn't appeal to me very much." Jess's voice wavered a bit, her throat was dry and her brain was screaming at her to just run, but her eyes held fire fiercer than anything Brady had ever seen. "It's a shame, you'd be a nice toy to play with."

Jess swung her bat but he caught it. She kicked him in the knee and pulled her weapon away. She swung again, but Brady ducked and pulled the bat completely from her grasp. He slapped her across the face, bringing tears to her eyes, but she lashed out, successfully scraping her nails across his face. "Arrrrgg! I'm going to fucking kill you, you useless slut!" Brady tackled her to the ground, her head just missing the edge of the bed.

Her back hit the ground, knocking all the air out of her lungs. She was struggling to breathe when Brady punched her across her jaw, sending waved of pain across her face. He hit her again, this time on the other side of her face. Her lip had split. She could taste blood in her mouth. She tried to focus on Brady, willing him to stop. Her old friend has to be in there somewhere. Brady grabbed her shirt and pulled her up, so they were face to face. His eyes were completely black, whites and everything, and there were nasty scratches going from his right temple, across his bloody, pitch black eye to the bridge of his nose.

"Who are you?" Jessica choked through blood and tears. "I am your death." Brady hissed, throwing her back down against the ground. Her head hit the carpet with a thud that almost sent her into unconsciousness, but she refused to give up. Brady had started chanting something under his breath, gibberish was all Jess could hear. Her mind was foggy, but she saw the abandon baseball bat at most 3 feet away. She swallowed back nausea and blood. She could feel her body warming up unnaturally and some kind of magnetic pull pulling her backwards. She used all of her remaining strength to propel herself forwards to grab the bat. Brady gabbed her ankle, but she had the handle in her right hand. She turned around and swung it in the general direction of her attacker, and managed to hit him in the head. The bat cracked against his head and he fell sideways, hitting his skull against the corner of the bed. Jessica got unsteadily to her feet, and swung her bat two more times against the feebly moving body on her bedroom floor. She was about to pass out when she heard a voice that almost made her sob of joy. "Jess? Jessica!"

"Sam! I'm in the bedroom!" she cried out, her voice ragged. Sam ran in, taking in the mess, Jessica's bloodied up face and the attacker on the floor. He ran in and hugged her, taking the bloody bat away from her shaking hands. Jessica was hanging onto Sam for dear life, sobbing into his shoulder. "Brady, he just-"

"Shhh, it's okay." Sam stroked her hair. "Let's call the police." He pulled her around and half-walked, half-dragged towards the telephone on the wall in the hallway. "Azazel's wrong, you'll **never** lead us!" screeched a voice behind them. Brady raised his hand, his face was a mask of rage and madness, and started muttering in what sounded like Latin. Sam ran forwards to stop him but just before he reached him he was suddenly propelled against the wall. He slid up until he was on the ceiling. "Sam!" Jessica screamed, but when she tried to run forwards, she could only stumble and fall onto her knees. Sam was struggling on the ceiling, but he suddenly went still. His mouth was open in a silent scream, and his shirt suddenly became soaked in red liquid. Blood. "Sam! Please, god no!" Jessica sobbed out, trying to grab Brady. He kicked her face, breaking her nose and making her fall backwards. "Sam!" she cried out feebly, trying to stay conscious.

"Sam! Sammy!" someone else shouted. Heavy footsteps filled the hall way as Dean skidded to a halt. Jess saw his eyes take in the scene, just as Sam caught on fire. "NO! SAM!" He yelled, running forwards. Jess looked to where Brady was standing, but he was gone. "Dean." Jess muttered, just loud enough for him to hear, making him stop next to her. The flames were shooting from the ceiling, setting the bed alight, as well as all Jess's photos. Dean looked from her to Sam, tears streaming down his face. He swore loudly, his voice cracking, but he quickly knelt down and slid his arms under her broken and bruised body. He pulled her up and sprinted out the room, chocking on the smoke that had begun to fill the air. He ran out the apartment without a second glance behind himself. They had just stepped outside where the front door used to be, when the bedroom exploded, almost making Dean fall and drop Jess.

They made it down to the street below, where neighbors were already standing around, pointing and gasping. Dean put Jessica down on the gravel, leaning her up against a street lamp. "What happened to her?" asked a tall, lanky middle aged man. "She was attacked. Call 911." Dean spat out, tears making a path through his soot dusted face. He looked up, and his knees almost gave way. "Dean." mumbled Jess. She was barley awake. Dean glanced down at her, but he just turned away and walked into the shadows. "Everything's going to be okay." A kind old lady said to her, trying to make her comfortable. She knew the lady, her name was June and she was known for being the nicest person on the block. Jess looked her dead in the eyes, and whispered "No it's not." She passed out soon after that, but not before she saw the surprise, grief and worry behind the old woman's sunken eyes.

**(A/N What did I say?! Loads of action and drama. I hope this chapter wasn't too short, and I also hope you can get the visual of the whole fight scene between Jess and Brady. Told you I'd update asap ;). Even more drama in the next chapter! Please remember to comment, constructive criticism wanted and needed! –Amber)**


	5. Take me to church

Jess woke up in hospital the next day, bruised and battered. Her whole face felt stiff and swollen and her thoughts were foggy. When she could finally see straight, reality hit her like a ton of bricks. Sam. No no no no no, she thought, over and over. He can't be dead, he just can't. She tried to sit up, but her vision swam and she almost vomited all over herself. The door to her room swung open and a small little blond nurse came in. She talked loudly and urgently. "Ma'am you need to lie down-"

"I need to know if my boyfriend's alive, is he alive?" Jess panted, feebly struggling against the nurse's firm hand pushing her back against the bed. "Who was your boyfriend?" the blond nurse asked softly and kindly, trying to calm her. "Sam. Sam Winchester. He's tall and brunette and-" the nurse cut her off, her eyes full of sympathy. "There was only one death, and I sorry to tell you, but it was a Samuel Winchester." Jessica stopped moving. "No, no that can't be true. Not Sam, please not Sam. No, please." Her voice broke. The nurse tried to comfort her but she her ears seemed to have stopped working. She rolled onto her side, turning away from the sad eyes of the nurse and her useless words, and curled into a ball.

Her Sam was dead. The words finally sunk in. A sob crawled up her throat, and soon her whole entire body was shaking as she wept. Tears soaked the thin white pillow and stiff sheets that reeked of anaesthetic. She didn't hear the nurse leave the room, and none of the other hospital staff entered her room. They know all too well to leave someone alone when they're grieving. Jessica cried for hours, it seemed. She cried until she passed out, from both exhaustion and painkillers.

The following week leading up to the funeral felt like it went on for an eternity, it also felt like it flew by in the blink of an eye. Jess woke up sometimes with her mother by her side, holding her hand and trying to comfort her. Jess didn't hear a word she said, not that she wanted to. Other times it was Amy, Maria, David, and the other friends few friends that had the courage to see her, but they had no idea how to make her feel better. They couldn't make her feel better anyways.

Once she swore she saw Dean in the hospital hall, but when she tried looked closer he seemed to have vanished. It must have been the drugs. The morning of the funeral she was discharged from the god forsaken place. Her face was still black and blue with bruising and she was walking with a slightly hunched back. Every Passer-by stared, and little children pointed before their parents could stop them. Jessica liked to think she didn't care, but she hated the way they looked at her. Sympathy, disgust, morbid curiosity… it was maddening.

When she knocked on the door to Amy's apartment it was immediately swung open and she was pulled into a rough hug. Jess grimaced muttered "Ow."

"Oh my gosh, Jessica, I'm sorry I forgot about your back. I'm so sorry, how are you?" The tall red headed girl spoke so fast and with such a thick accent Jess would have struggled to understand if she didn't know her so well. "How am I doing?" Jessica asked flatly. Amy blinked her big eyes and flushed red. "I'm sorry, that was such a fucking dumb question." Jessica smiled at her friend. "Don't worry, I didn't expect you to say something smart."

"Watch it Moore, I'll break your nose again." Jessica grinned and Amy pulled her through the door way. "Come on razor tongue, we've got to get you ready." Jessica listen to Amy talk, letting herself be calmed by Amy's magnificent Scottish accent. Amy did her hair into an intricate bun with braids wrapping around it, she let her paint waterproof mascara onto her blond eyelashes and plaster other mostly waterproof make-up onto her face. Soon she was standing in front of the mirror in a knee length, tight black dress that's back was completely made of lace with a simple, natural looking face that devoid of bruises and cuts. She also had a small black hat that draped more black lace over her face. Everything was black. She hated the colour black.

Amy placed her hand gently on Jess's shoulder, making her realise that she'd been looking at herself with a scowl. "We need to go." Jess nodded mutely, letting herself be guided into a taxi and into the church. All Sam and Jess's friends were there, as well as her mom. Jess's mom was the only family she had. Her dad had left before she was born and her grandparents died when she was 17 from a car accident. One of the things Sam and Jess shared were daddy issues. A glance around the room showed Dean wasn't here. That seems pretty heartless, Jess though. The memory of Dean shouting Sam's name, tears running down his face from smoke and agony at seeing his brother in flames flashed before her eyes.

There was no coffin, of course. How could there be, with no body? Jessica wouldn't be able to see him one last time. Tears had started falling down her cheeks even before the pastor even started speaking. Amy's arm was around her shaking shoulders and her mother was holding her hand tightly. A few people made speeches about how happy Sam was to go through something they needed help with in class, or how he always had a book to help with essays. He was a campus hero, they said.

Jessica did not make a speech, she couldn't.

The funeral ended in a prayer for Sam's soul's acceptance into heaven. He'll get in, Jessica thought proudly, he prayed every night almost without fail. After the ceremony ended Jessica had only one desire. To leave this damn church. People were milling about in the entrance, waiting to tell her how sorry they were. To make themselves feel better by hearing her say she was 'okay'. She brushed them off and practically ran around to the back of the church, ignoring her mother calling her worriedly. She leant against the wall, panting. She wiped the tears away from her cheeks when a voice spoke from next to her, almost making her scream. "You look terrible." She turned to see Dean standing next to her, his beard scruffy, eyes red and dark bags under his eyes. "No fucking shit." She snapped back at him. He was wearing his dirty leather jacket and worn out jeans. "You weren't at the service." She accused, standing straighter, ignoring her aching back. "Funerals aren't my thing."

"It was your brother's!"

"You think I don't know that!?" Dean suddenly thundered, his voice ragged. He looked away from her and wiped his hand over his mouth. He was breathing hard and his eyes were wet. "I don't need people around me trying to comfort me, or even worse, trying to get to know me." Jessica could see straight through him. "It wasn't your fault." Dean suddenly went still. He turned his head slowly to look at her. "Yes it was."

"Dean-"

"I should've gone in earlier, or gone inside with him, or got him off the ceiling-"

"Dean there's nothing you could've done!"

"I could've done anything but run away like a coward! Like a little kid!" he shouted, tears running down his face. "If you hadn't 'ran away' I would've died." Jessica said quietly. Dean looked away from her, shaking his head. "What… Why- What happened to Sam?" Jess asked finally, voicing the question that had been scratching inside her head the whole week. "He burnt, you saw." Dean said flatly, still not looking at her. "What really happened?" Dean looked up again, his face dangerously blank. He was masking something, and Jess couldn't decide if it was grief or rage, but it lit up his eyes in a dangerous light. "What do you mean?"

"People don't normally burn on ceilings, and old friend's eyes don't turn black."

"What did you just say?" Dean hissed, closing the distance between them. "What? Friend's eyes don't turn-"

"Black." Dean said with her. "Brady's eye's turned black while he was attacking me, what does that mean?" Jessica asked quickly, but Dean turned away and started walking off. "Dean? Dean!" She ran after him, cursing her black strappy high heels. She caught up and grabbed his arm "Dean-" he spun around throwing her off her balance. She stumbled back as Dean barked "What do you want?"

"You can't leave me here, I need to find out what happened to Sam."

"Sam was killed, get over it." Dean was about to turn around, but Jess grabbed his coat and pulled so viciously he almost face planted. "_Get over it?_" she growled, looking straight into his eyes. She didn't feel numb anymore, she also didn't she feel like she was about to shatter any second. She felt a fire in her gut that threatened to spill out her hands and choke this asshole of a Winchester where he stood. "You listen to me you fuckwad, if you don't tell me what the fuck happened to me boyfriend I will call scream so loudly every person in the church and every building within 2 miles will hear and come kick your ass." She said all this very quietly, very quickly and very seriously. Dean blinked a few times before he replied. "You won't believe me." Jess let go of him and stepped closer, bringing her face inches from Dean's. "Try me." She growled. Dean shrugged and turned around. "I need breakfast-"

"It's twelve in the afternoon." Jessica pointed out. "-I'll tell you what I know while I eat." He started walking away, and Jessica followed, still fuming. She didn't care about anything but finding Sam's killer, no matter **what** he was.


	6. You can't handle the truth

"You're lying."

"Why would I lie about this to you?" Dean took another bite of his breakfast burger, egg yolk settling on his upper lip. Jess crinkled her nose at him. "Then you're fucking insane."

"That wouldn't be the first time I've heard that, but would you like to tell me again what colour Brady's eyes were?" Her eyes turned to slits and she scowled. Dean looked up and brushed a serviette over his mouth. He leaned in and fixed his glittering hazel eyes on hers. "Do you really believe that your boyfriend died of natural causes?" Jessica's mouth opened, but it hung open. She'd seen her ex-friend with nothing but black in his eyes. She'd seen her boyfriend slide up the goddamn wall and burst into flames. Was there really anything she could lose by believing a mad man? Jessica's face fell blank. "What killed Sam?" Dean put his serviette down, and tried to pull a sarcastic smile onto his face, but it quickly fell flat.

"The thousand dollar question." Dean leant back in the booth. "Dean, I will fu-"

"Hold your horses, I'm just trying to think of how to phrase this…" He sat in silence, tapping his fingers slightly on the back of the chair. "Are you religious, Jessica?"

"Not particularly. Well, not as much as Sam was."

"Sam was religious?" Dean looked surprised. Jess frowned, "You didn't…?"

"No, actually I didn't." Dean looked down at his coffee cup, playing with the handle. His eyes were confused, and hurt. Jessica didn't understand why, she thought being a little religious was a good thing, well sometimes. "He prayed every night, before he went to sleep." Dean nodded, still looking at his cup.

"But you say you aren't religious."

"Yes. Wait, no. Maybe? I don't know." This felt like a very unnecessary question. "Dean, why are you asking me this?" she sounded very tired, even to her own ears.

"So you don't believe in demons?"

"No… I don't think so."

"Well, you should start to."

"Are you saying Brady was possessed by a demon? Are you kidding me?" Dean smiled. "You catch on quickly."

"Please tell me you're lying." Dean took a big gulp from his coffee cup, put it down and signaled to a waitress for another. "Demons are pretty uncommon," he continued, wiping his mouth "they haven't been very active in the last century or so."

"Then why now." Jessica felt empty again. Why was this happening to her? "I don't know." Dean put his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. "Dean…" He looked up. She saw now that his eyes were blood shot and the bags underneath them were heavy. He looked exhausted. He probably hadn't slept since Sam died, thought Jess. "Why do you know about demons? Why do you know all this stuff? Did Sam?" Dean was still looking at her. His tired eyes searched her face. "Jessica, you look like a sweet gal." he pushed his plate away from him and took out his wallet. "You have a bright future ahead of you. One Sam would've had if I hadn't…" he took a moment to breath "Dean, it wasn't your-" he brought up his hand to silence her. "You need to stay in school. Get a degree, a job, a husband, some kids." He threw money on the table, enough to cover both his expenses and Jessica's coffee. He stood up. "You don't belong in this life. I won't let you in it." She stepped out from the booth and Jessica sprang up, digging her fingers into his coat arm. He swung around and twisted her arm so she'd let go. "Please stop grabbing me." He insisted, straightening his coat. "Dean listen to me."

He turned around and walked quickly out the diner, his head down. Jessica stared as he walked passed the window. Quick thoughts flashed through her head. Emotions swirled past her vision: Grief, aloneness, bitterness. A stronger emotion rang through her body, though. Anger. No, more than that. She was in a rage. Who does Dean Winchester think he is, telling her what she should do with her life? Who did he bloody well think he is, telling her she didn't belong somewhere? Jessica had never walked so fast in her life, and never had she stomped the ground with such determination. She caught up to Dean as he was opening baby. She tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to sigh and turn around. His eyes met hers just as she slapped him right across his smug face. The sound was loud and hard as she hit him with all her might. Dean's face flew to the side. Jessica was breathing hard, mildly horrified at what she had just done, but so goddamn happy she had. Dean turned his head to her slowly, his green eyes twinkling with either mirth or fury, maybe both?

"You listen to me and you listen well Winchester. Sam was the love of my life, he was everything. I have nothing left here." Dean opened his mouth but Jessica's voice was sharp. "No, you will goddamn listen to me." He closed his mouth, his face devoid of emotion, but intently listening. "I want to find what killed my boyfriend, and I want to kill it. I know how to handle a gun, I know how to protect myself." She took a step towards Dean, her finger poking into his chest. "I will not have you tell me what I can and cannot do, and I will not allow someone to get away with this murder." She was breathing hard, her blond hair sticking to her lips. Dean looked all over her face, trying to come to a conclusion. "This is personal, and if you don't let me come with you, I **will** do this alone." Dean looked down, his shoulders shaking in a quiet chuckle. "What?" Jess spat. Dean looked up, his lips slightly curled. "If Sam knew this was the girl he'd fell in love with, he might've fallen in love all over again."

Dean's words caused a sharp pain in Jess's heart, but there was more pride to Dean's statement than grief. "I can't stop you, obviously." Dean murmured.

"Pretty much." Jess took a step away from Dean, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. Dean gave a small chuckle again, shaking his head at the most stubborn girl he had ever met. "So I'll just have to protect you." Jessica nodded, and held out a hand to shake Dean's. He took it, a little wary and confused, and shook it softly. "We're partners now, Winchester." Jess let go of his hand, going to run her fingers through her hair before she remembered it was up. "Time for you to learn the ropes, Moore."

**(A/N Seriously I am so sorry don't even look at me but here's the next chapter over a year later i tried)**


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